Wonderful Now

Wonderful

by Everclear

"Hey, ain't life wonderful? Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful... Isn't it wonderful now?"

I close my eyes when I get too sad
I think thoughts that I know are bad
Close my eyes and I count to ten
Hope it's over when I open them

I want the things that I had before
Like a Star Wars poster on my bedroom door
I wish I could count to ten
Make everything be wonderful again

Hope my mom and I hope my dad
Will figure out why they get so mad
Hear them scream, I hear them fight
They say bad words that make me wanna cry

Close my eyes when I go to bed
And I dream of angels who make me smile
I feel better when I hear them say
Everything will be wonderful someday

Promises mean everything when you're little
And the world's so big
I just don't understand how
You can smile with all those tears in your eyes
Tell me everything is wonderful now

Please don't tell me everything is wonderful now

I go to school and I run and play
I tell the kids that it's all okay
I laugh aloud so my friends won't know
When the bell rings I just don't wanna go home

Go to my room and I close my eyes
I make believe that I have a new life
I don't believe you when you say
Everything will be wonderful someday

Promises mean everything when you're little
And the world is so big
I just don't understand how
You can smile with all those tears in your eyes
When you tell me everything is wonderful now

No
No, I don't wanna hear you tell me everything is wonderful now
No
No, I don't wanna hear you tell me everything is wonderful now

I don't wanna hear you say
That I will understand someday
No, no, no, no
I don't wanna hear you say
You both have grown in a different way
No, no, no, no
I don't wanna meet your friends
And I don't wanna start over again
I just want my life to be the same
Just like it used to be
Some days I hate everything
I hate everything
Everyone and everything
Please don't tell me everything is wonderful now...

I don't wanna hear you tell me everything is wonderful now

Missing my girl a lot tonight </3

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Remembering August 22nd, 2010

 

A perfectly Ellie picture. Fuzzy hair, bright telling eyes, half smile, chubby arms, holding onto something to eat.

I miss her :(

Max's crazy curls!

This is how we found Maxer sleeping when we went to say goodnight before we went to bed..

 

Our Weekend in Pics

Before Ellie passed away, we took a lot of pictures... I was that Mom! But after Ellie died, most of the pictures were took were of a funeral, a casket and a grave. We still took the occassional picture of little man, but not a lot. I didn't really want to capture memories if Ellie wasn't going to be apart them. It was hard enough to just get through an event, a day, a moment; taking a picture was the last thing on my mind. It seemed like such an effort, and when I didn't really want a record of our pain, it wasn't worth it.
But lately, I've been breaking the camera (and video camera) out a little more. And I gotta say, I kinda missed it! Which is a good thing because I start the Illuminate Photography Class that I won from Deanna's online auction. I am really excited to start! Anyways, I got a lot of good pictures of Maxer this weekend. We were pretty busy running errands and putting away boxes and such, but we had a lot of time to play with our little man too!

Going for a bike ride with Daddy!

Ellie did an amazing job painting the sky for us on Friday evening. The view from our backyard. Thanks Elle!

Ellie's Memorial Garden. Right now the whole thing looks pretty pathetic due to some dying plants :(. But one of the rose bushes does look great! I love this angel (that was given to us when she passed away) because the pinky on the left hand is positioned funny, which Elle did ALL THE TIME! and the toes are kinda doing their own thing too- again something she ALWAYS did! Plus it's a child/baby angel- not a big robed, creepy old lady angel, and I like that!

Tonight while I was obsessively pulling weeds, Dave and Max were "watering" the plants. Meaning Dave was trying to water the plants and Max was trying to water himself! Dave finally relented and just let him play in the water. He was soaked!

Despite it's appearance, this is actually not a look of horror, but one of enjoyment!

Ready to go back in... I love the one dry spot on his rear!

We aren't exactly potty training yet, but with Max, all new things take time. SO, we are just occasionally having him sit on the potty ring...

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Remembering August 21st, 2010

Hanging out at home...

Ellie and Daddy- she loved to touch our faces- especially our mouths. When she was really little she liked to stick her sharp baby finger nails in our mouths, behind our front bottom teeth and scrap our gums.Ouch! But for some reason, it helped her go to sleep. Weirdo!

Seriously- how cute is she?!

Max used to have a silverware obsession...

Setting the table for dinner

Horse Therapy

I feel like I've been a bad blogger lately, but things have been so busy that there's just not time or if there is, I'm just too tired! I thought that with Max not being in school this month, that things would slow down. Not so much. He still has therapy two days a week, plus swimming and horse therapy.

He is doing so well lately! We couldn't be happier with the progress he has made in the last few weeks, especially with his speech! Max has started using sentences and making consistent requests. He seems to understand that if he wants something he can't just say it to a wall or a toy, that he has to tell us! This is a huge thing for him to not only understand, but also to do! He refers to us as Mommy and Daddy, and some other lucky people get their names used every once in a while too!

Max has been a little bit better but not protesting new foods or activities. But he definitely protested tonight when we took him shoe shopping! We still see a lot of scripted language and something called echolalia. Which is when he obsessively repeats things that are said. But he is actually responding to questions and when people address him. We have even seen a couple of attempted waves!

I know therapy is stressful for him sometimes but he does so good and we can seeing results, so we just keep pressing on.

At the beginning of the summer, he started horse therapy. At first, he hated it. He wouldn't wear the helmet, didn't want to stay on the horse (seriously he would just try to slump over and off the side of the gigantic horse!), and he would only stay on the horse for 10 min. at a time. He wanted nothing to do with their exercises or activities and didn't want anyone to talk to him. But now, he LOVES it. And it's about the cutest thing I've ever seen!
Now, he wears his helmet, he even willing gets it out of the drawer. He gets mad if his horse isn't prepared fast enough and usually isn't ready to be done at the end of the hour session! He knows that to get the horse to go you say, "Walk on!" and to get the horse to stop you say "Whoooaaa." He loves the activities and games, and last week he even helped get the horse's treats and held the bowl while the horse ate them! The ranch also has a lot of chickens and some goats, so after every session, we go in the pen and look at them. Max actually tried to feed a goat the other day!
There are only two horse therapy sessions left for the summer, and I'm trying to decide if we want to do it again this fall. He'll have school four days a week, and private therapy two days. Plus the ranch is a half hour away. I really want him to do it but I don't know if we have time!

So proud of our little man! Maxer, you're a rock star!

There are tons of butterflies at the ranch :)

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Remembering August 17th, 2010

 We call Max "Monkey," but Ellie was definitely more of a monkey! I think she actually believed that her feet where an extra set of hands. And this pillow was one of her favorite things to play with. She would wrestle it!

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Remembering August 18th, 2010 at 9:22pm

Does this look like a little girl that has just power-puked avocado/ banana all over her crib, pjs, carpet and Mommy (twice!)?? We can still remember the smell... As soon as she was done throwing up, and she stripped her down and into some warm water, she was happy as can be. Typical Ellie. I love her little face and sweet smile and arm chub! Man, I miss her...

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Remembering August 19th, 2010

Maxer playing with Gramps!

Peanut just kickin' back in the swing! Look at those thighs! I love them!!

Yes, our not-even-two-year-old (in this pic) LOVES to floss!

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Remembering August 20th, 2010

Ellie loved her cup of water. But she would only take it out of these kinds of cups. Our little smarty-pants figured out that she could turn the cup upside down, squeeze the nipple and the water would pour out. Then she would spread it out all over her tray, play in it and slam her hand down on it!

Reading stories and watching the Twins!