Ellie's Last Tea Party

Ellie has been on my mind non-stop the last couple of days. I think about the times we had with her before she got sick and all the times we've missed in the last year. I try not to let myself think about the hospital but it's hard- the memories find a way to creep in... I just miss my girl so much. She was such a happy and seemingly healthy little girl. It's hard to believe that in just 25 hours she was ripped away forever...

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Remembering October 22nd, 2010

These are the last pictures we have of Ellie- we have some from the hospital and from the funeral home, but those are not Ellie. I will never forgive myself for choosing to not bring the camera with us to the Children's Museum on the 23rd. 

I don't remember what we did on the morning of the 22nd, probably just hung out at home. My mom finished work at 11am, come over and we headed to the clinic to get Max's hearing checked. We had started his autism work-up and a hearing check was part of it. My mom stayed out in the lobby with Ellie, while Max and I went back for the appt. Ellie had on the cutest little outfit that day, purple long sleeved onesie, denim skirt, striped BabyLegs, stripped pink/ purple sweater. For the first time, I was able to put a barrette in her hair- it was so cute!

Afterward we went to the mall. I wanted to start looking for Thanksgiving and Christmas clothes for the kids. I don't think I found anything for Max, but I remember I got Ellie a knit red sweater dress for Christmas Day, and two long-sleeved onesies. When we got home that day I cut the tags off, put the onesies in her hamper and the dress downstairs in the laundry room. My mom had washed all of Ellie's dirty clothes/ laundry while we were at the hospital and put it away- weeks later the onesies took my breath away when I opened a drawer and saw them sitting there. Just reminders of what would never be. Her dress I ended up giving to the neighbor- that was never in her room so it was easier to let go of...

After shopping we took the kids to lunch at Noodles and Co. It was soooo crowded and Ellie decided to not to sit in the high chair but on mine and Ma's lap so she could get a better view and smile at the people sitting behind us. She chewed on a Num-Num cracker and threw stuff on the floor. She loved to be out and about. 

At some point we took the kids to play at the indoor play area, and it was the first time that Ellie was really big enough to "play." She was so thrilled to be sitting next to Max and included in the big kid fun.

 Later that night, we stayed at home and played with the kids in the playroom. Ellie has able to get some stolen time with Max's Georgie and cuddle time with Daddy. Ellie had just started to understand that toys were more than just things to chew on. A couple days earlier, I had realized she liked to play Tea Party with her adorable tea set. She would take a sip out of the cup and bite of the treats. It was the cutest thing- she thought it was soooo fun.