Baby Bee

Our Baby Bee, Ellie's Guardian Angel

When we received our positive pregnancy test call from our fertility doctor, she said my HCG numbers were especially high and could be indiciative of multiples. When we started this round of in-vitro, I just knew I would get pregnant with twins. And I was right!
At our confirmation ultrasound at 7 weeks, we saw two heartbeats. There were two babies. Baby A, turned into our beautiful, bubbly Ellie. Sadly, we learned at the ultrasound that Baby B, had a slower heartrate and was very small for it's gestational age. We were told it would not survive. We were told that I had what was called Vanishing Twin Syndrome. For whatever reason, chromosomal or other, the baby was not going to survive the next couple weeks. We did get a couple pictures of Baby B from the ultrasound tech.
Two weeks later at the follow-up ultrasound there was no evidence of Baby B. It has simply vanished. Our doctor told us the extra hormones my body produced in response to Baby B most likely helped Ellie thrive. From that moment on, I have always thought that our Baby B was Ellie's special guardian angel. I made me sad to think Ellie would live her life without her twin. I wondered if she would feel like she was missing a part of her... If I'd only known...

The doctors and nurses never referred to losing Baby B as a miscarriage, to them- she (I'm almost positive it was a girl...) never really existed. In a failed attempt to make me feel better, I was told a lot of people have a vanished twin but never know about it. But I did know. I saw her heartbeat on the monitor. She was there. She was my baby. And I decided to refer to her as Bee.

I know our babies are up there together, waiting for us. I think Bee was there with Ellie the day she died and helped her find her way to heaven. I never understood why we would be given Bee, and to have known about her, only to have her taken away so early. Now, it gives me comfort to know Ellie has her Bee up there with her. In the end, they were together, just how they started out.