Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Be back together

After therapy this morning, we swung by the cemetery to grab Ellie's Christmas tree and purple tinsel present. The wind has been insane the last couple days and with no snow, I didn't want her things to blow away. When we arrived at Ellie's Park, I asked Max if he wanted to get out or stay in the car. He chose to stay in the car. So I walked out to her spot, grabbed her things, searched for some ornaments that had blown off the tree and told my girl how much I loved her.
I put the stuff into the car and started it back up. Max started whining a little bit. I thought he decided he wanted to get out of the car, but every time I asked, he said no. He stuck out his lip, and got a really sad voice.

He said, "Sissy's spot."

I said, "Do you want to go out there."

"No."

"Well what do you want Max?"

As he looked out the window towards Ellie's spot, he said, "Be back together" in a little tiny sad voice...

It broke my heart into a million more pieces. Maybe he really does understand more than we think... I patted his leg, put the car in gear and said, "Me too buddy. Me too..."

15 comments:

Deanna said...

I'm so sorry, Tiffany. I wish you were all back together too.

Robin said...

That brought tears to my eyes. He is missing his sister, in his own mind and heart. It is amazing how much little kids understand that we think they don't. I will be praying for Max. What an awesome big brother.

Just the Tip said...

Oh poor little Max. Hugs momma.

Caroline said...

{{{{Hugs}}}} I wish we were all back together. It always hurts to know that our children understand more than we think.
Prayers

Laura said...

That's so sad. It's hard to understand exactly what children understand but I'm sure he understands far more than we think. I've always believed that the innocence of children make them much more open to things that we dont notice. I'm sure he has a huge sense of Ellie's missing piece in your family. You have done such a great job keeping her legacy alive so I'm sure that Max thinks of her all the time.

~Laura

Kelly said...

That is so sweet and sad. Natalie says stuff all the time about Adam. The other day she told me she wanted to go to heaven to see him. I often wonder how much she understands versus just talking from what she hears us say. It's so sad. Big hugs to sweet Max.

B. Wilson said...

:/ Wow. I have no idea what that sounds like, but I can imagine the pain is ripping.

I'm sure Max understands and relates more than he carries on. And to be a boy with autism who already has difficulty with expressing his emotions... to voice that is so magical, yet so heartbreaking. I'm so sorry.

We all truly wish you were back together again as well.

Natasha said...

Oh Max I wish you guys were back together as well.

I'm sure he does understand and miss his sissy.....I'm thinking of you guys always...xoxo

TanaLee Davis said...

Our Children. They grieve too, we often think they are too young to understand but as your max showed a glimpse into his mind he does know what happened. Maybe in ways we can't understand but he is aware that Ellie was here and now is gone. My nieces only met TanaLee for the first time the day before she died due to hospital rules. Both of them (6 & 4 at the time) had a huge grieving period were they constantly asked why they couldn't spend more time with her, why did she have to fall asleep to die. We think they don't really get what was happening but really I think they knew everything. You could see it in their eyes as they stepped into the room for the first time.
hugs-
Felicia

Tiffany said...

he said it perfectly. that is what i wish most too. for him for you guys...for all of us. ((hugs)) :'(

LauraJane said...

My heart just shattered some more. Be back together would be exactly perfect.

Ashley said...

That just totally broke my heart. Max is just the sweetest little guy.

Thinking of you!

Our Journey said...

I just got chills reading Max's sweet little words. So sweet! ((hugs))

Beth said...

tears for you and your sweet boy. its so not fair.

Ashley said...

<3 (((HUGS)))

Post a Comment