Friday, May 13, 2011

The Circle of Life?

Sixteen years ago today was cold and rainy in Minnesota. At 1:35pm, my sweet little cousin, Kaelin, was born. Exactly one hour later, my grandpa died, miles away in Iowa. Kaelin and my grandpa are on different sides on the family. I remember we stopped at the hospital the next day to snuggle the new little bundle of joy before heading to Iowa to bury my grandpa. My grandpa had suffered a stroke a couple years before and never really recovered. He had spent too much time in a wheelchair and struggling to get through everyday. Finally, his body was too tired and his cancer had returned.
Before this, I had only had great-grandparents pass away and I had barely known them. My grandpa was the first person in my life that had passed away. In fact, until Ellie died, he was my only relative that had. I can distinctly remember many details of the day he passed, and the days that followed. Sixteen years later, it is still clear as day.
Even as a sixth grader, I knew it was more than just a coincidence that Kaelin was given to us one hour before grandpa was taken away. She was, and is, actual proof that life continues, even after those we love go on ahead to wait for us.

Fast forward to two years ago...
That morning I loaded Max up in the car, headed downtown and had a vial of blood drawn from my already bruised arm. We went home and waited. Shortly after lunch time, my phone rang. It was our fertility doctor, Dr. E, with life changing news. A big fat positive on my pregnancy test.
Exactly two years ago, I found out I was pregnant with Ellie.
At first I was really shaken to hear my doctor's voice on the phone- the nurse called with my pregnancy test results when I got pregnant with Max. I thought if the doctor was calling, it must be bad news. She said, "well... I have your test results....."
BIG PAUSE...
 Me- AND?!"
 Dr. E- " Well..... they look great! Congratulations!"
Me- big sigh, "Don't do that to me!"
She went on to say that my numbers were on the high side which may mean multiples and that I could come in two weeks later for a confirmation ultrasound.
Amazing news. Confirmation of a new life (or two). An Incredible day.

Today... May 13, 2011
It's been sixteen years since my grandpa passed away. I think a lot about what he has missed in those years. He missed us grandkids growing up, graduating high school and college. He missed my brother's wedding and my wedding. He wasn't here for the birth of our children, his great-grandkids.
For sixteen years, we've watched my cousin turn into a funny, beautiful, caring and wise young woman. She has turned in the kind of person I had hoped Ellie would be. Ellie would have loved Kaelin. I think Ellie would have looked a lot like her as she got older. She already had the same exact mouth as Kaelin.
To me, it's always been so strange to think that for every day my grandpa has been gone, Kaelin has lived. For almost every breath she has had, he has not.
It's been two years since we got proof that Ellie was coming. That a new life was forming. Since that day, she has come and gone. In just two short years. It's hard to think about life going on without Ellie, even if this day has proved more than once, that it does.

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Remembering May13th, 2009

Our little monkey two years ago. He was just a baby!

My babies love their blankies!

Shortly after we found out that I was pregnant! At this time I was spending a lot of time on the couch in pj pants, with my knees up on a pillow. I accumulated a lot of extra fluid in my stomach from the meds and it was too painful to do much else.

Big Brother!

I asked Max if he was excited to be a big brother and this is what he did when I took his picture. Right away, I thought he was looking up to Heaven to see his little sibling. A little eerie that I thought that, knowing now what the future had in store for us...

5 comments:

LauraJane said...

Oh Tiffany, sweet Max was definitely looking up to see his sister-to-be.

So crazy to think how they came to be, and were gone just as quickly. It blows my mind sometimes.

Tiffany said...

Powerful post. It's so hard to think about life without those we hold dear to us :(
I wish it didn't have to be this way. Max is such a cutie. Love those baby cheeks!

ccc said...

You remember dates of important and meaningful events so well! I try to do the same. There is so much meaning to those dates.
You say that Ellie had Kaelin's mouth--I've never seen her--but, I have always thought that almost every picture of Ellie looks like your husband.

And, how can it be that you were only in 6th grade 16 yrs. ago and I had three children already???!!

ASHLEY ELDER said...

That was a great post to read...I am sure that your grandpa has been watching you and helping you through this...along with your daughter!

Your son is precious!

Natalie Ross said...

What a sweet post. Time seems insulting sometimes.
Your little boy is such a doll. I'm praying that God will bless you again with another little bundle of joy.
Much Love, Natalie

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