Thursday, August 25, 2011

10 months

It's been ten months since we walked out of the hospital, and away from our girl. It's been kinda brutal lately. Ellie has been on my mind a lot. Everything reminds me of her and reminds me of what our life should be like right now.

It's been ten months without her. We only have her for nine.

It's been ten months, and in two months, it will be one whole year. I know Ellie is never coming back. So I just want the one year milestone to hurry up and get here, so it can be behind us, like so many other horrible days this year....

I've shared this video here before, but that was a long, long time ago. I just finished watching it, and even though I thought it was going to make her sadder, it didn't. It was so amazing to hear her little voice and she her funny mannerisms. This is the video my good friend, Josh, made to show at Elle's funeral. A lot of the pictures I have posted on my blog, but the video clips are the best part in my opinion. They are glimpses into our old life- when life was still perfect, and they show just how beautiful and silly our girl really was. The last video, at the very end, where she is sitting on the floor talking, was taken on October 18th. Just one week before she died. It just goes to show that you never know whats going to happen and where life will take you.

Missing you for ten long months Peanut! I love you!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dz3ngUE7A04

9 comments:

LauraJane said...

Such a beautiful girl. I hadn't seen the memorial video, but my goodness is it wonderful.

Your husband is so great with her, too. The sheer volume of love. It's just so obvious.

xox. Sorry you're having a hard time.:(

LauraJane said...

btw, I think it's the same video you linked to (twice), not sure if that was intentional.

Amy said...

I found your blog several months ago and have not been able to stop reading. Your Ellie was such a perfect and beautiful little girl. Seeing her on video one week before she died, so happy, so free--this is how she lives on forever. I am so sorry she is not with you. I can't imagine how devastating it must be to wake up each morning and realize over and over that she is never coming back. You are so strong. You have done so much in her honor. She must be so proud to have you as her mama.

Harlowe said...

Just watching these videos and seeing these pictures makes it so hard to believe that anything was wrong with her. It just makes no sense. I don't know why but Ellie has always...affected me. Just looking at her pictures will bring tears to my eyes every single time. I hope you can get through the one year mark quickly and without too much extra pain.

Deanna said...

sending you lots of love. missing Ellie with you, ((hugs))

crystal said...

Tiffany,
I am praying for you!!!

Mary said...

Sending you lots of love and hugs momma!

ccc said...

Tiffany, I had wanted to comment on your last post also, but I did not know what to say to you in your grief. I don't have the right words. I cannot imagine all the hurt you must go through. Ellie is a beautiful little girl and this should have never ever happened--that is the only thing I can think of to say. It's been ten months for us too this weekend, and I think about you and Ellie every time I remember my little boy's angelversary monthly.

Natasha said...

I'm in tears over here. Ellie's video is just beautiful.....

This is just so unfair. I hate this for all of us. I wish Ellie was here.

Sending all my love Tiff.....xoxo

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