Sunday, August 14, 2011

Believing in Belle's Butterflies

A butterfly landed on my finger during a hike on our honeymoon in Two Harbors, MN.
For the last several weeks, Ellie has been sending butterflies to me a lot. It started slowly about two weeks before we moved... When we were on one of our walks, a monarch butterfly floated alongside for about a block. The next day, a yellow and black butterfly flew right in front of us several times.
In the days before we moved, and the few following, Ellie sent butterflies to almost every intersection between our old and new houses. It's like she was telling us, it was ok to move, she would go with us wherever we go...
Ellie's Butterfly from Triplet Butterfly

At our new house we have a small memorial garden in the backyard for her. The other day, Max and I were bringing out her angel sculpture from the garage to put in the garden. I sat the angel down in the mulch, stepped back to look at it, and decided to move it over a little bit. I stepped back once again, and because I wasn't really sure I said, "I don't know, Elle, what do you think?" I moved it one more time, and as I stepped back to look at it, a butterfly came out of nowhere and almost flew right into my head. I took that as Ellie's way of saying she wanted it right there... So there it stayed!
It never fails, during the last few weeks, when I am out of the house and thinking about Peanut and am sad, she sends a butterfly. I can't help but think that it's Ellie. I'll be sad when fall and winter thunder back into Minnesota, and the butterflies make their way elsewhere... But I know Ellie will find another way to let me know she's here. I told Ellie over and over again, before we had to make the terrible decision to let the doctor turn off her machines, that I needed her to send me signs, and it's no surprise that she's been a good girl and listened to her Mama.
Some people will think it's crazy, but I don't care. Those who have lost someone they deeply love will likely understand. Sometimes there are just too many things that happen too often to just be a coincidence. I wasn't looking for Ellie to send me butterflies, they just started appearing, at exactly the right time. The peace and comfort they bring is undeniable. And for that, I am so grateful. Many days, it's what sustains me.

Ellie Belle, Thank you so much for sending Mama your butterflies. They make me smile each time I see one, and I know it's your way of saying, "I'm here Mama. Everything will be ok.I love you." Keep sending them along with all those beautiful pink and purple sunsets and sunrises, and the occasional Dr. Seuss "T is for Turtle" piece on my things or turned right side up when the rest are face down. I am so happy and thankful to call you mine. I'm a very lucky Mama! I love you forever and ever!
Remembering August 12th, 2010

 Ellie loved to 1) be naked, and 2) banging on her xylophone and drums. Max loves to 1) read stories, and 2) put his feet on the book while he reads.

Remembering August 13th, 2010
Elle having story time with Ma
 Dave left work early so that we could take the kids to do something fun- The Children's Museum...
L.O.V.E. this picture of her!
 I love my Little Maxer!!


crystal said...

The pictures are beautiful, and I don't think that you are crazy. I believe God sends things to us to comfort us and let us know that everything is okay. He is allowing Ellie to send butterflies to you because He knows that you are sad and need to be uplifted. Keep your head high. I know that Ellie is so proud of you and Dave :) Praying for you!!!

Mary said...

Ellie's butterflies are just gorgeous! I love the fact that our children send us signs. Addie has been sending me a lot of butterflies lately. I see the yellow and black ones all the time. I think they're called tiger swallowtails. And, this past weekend, I saw my first monarch. It's such a comfort to know that they are watching over us. Hugs momma!

Kelly said...

Love this post. :) I wish I had some signs from Adam, so I certainly don't think you're crazy!

LauraJane said...

I've said this before, but your babies are so beautiful.

I love that Ellie is sending you all these signs, and they're too consistent to be a fluke, they just have to be from here. :) I loved the part about the butterfly at each intersection. And that Ellie decided where she wanted her angel statue too. :)

Scott's told me the last few times he's had a really difficult time, or he's really sad he's gone off for a run. Once in Toronto, once up at a cottage hours from here. He said both times, while running, he has had one of those giant dandelion "puffs" float along side him... Both times, he's stopped to watch it, put out his hand, and they've landed in the palm of his hand. Cool, huh? :)


How neat with the butterflies...I am sure its Ellie's way of letting you know that she is okay and still around.

Love the pictures in the post!!

Desiree said...

Love the signs! And green is definitely Ellie's color. She looks beautiful in those pictures.

ccc said...

You are not crazy--she is definitely sending those signs to you!I have prayed specifically to my David for very specific things and they have happened, so they are up there and they are listening to us.

Julia said...

Hi Tiffany- I know this is an older post but I am just getting time to go back thru and catch up on how you have been doing. I have been following your journey for a while & send prayers up for you often. This post reminded me of something a friend said to me recently & I wanted to share it with you. In regards to the butterflies & coincidences:
~What is a coincidence but a miracle where God chooses to remain anonymous.~
Warms my heart to think of Ellie sending you such beautiful miracles.... Bug Hugs sweet Mama

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