On our way back to the house, we met another lady, who we've emailed a couple of times. Her and her husband had a stillborn in February. Their baby's name was Ella. I hate that someone else lost their baby, but it is so nice that someone in the new neighborhood will understand. Moving out of my safety zone and into a whole new world of people is scary to me. It's even more scary and stressful when I think about how I will handle telling people about Ellie. I'm refuse to deny her, but I don't want to make people uncomfortable. Ugh...
I've had this conversation playing over and over in my head since we decided to move-
Me: Hi, I'm the new neighbor. I've got an autistic toddler and dead baby. Would you like to come in for a drink??
New Neighbor: [look of complete shock, jaw hanging open, slowly backing away from door until getting to drive way, than taking off in full sprint]
Me: Yeah... I didn't think so....
I'm sure I'm being a little dramatic- everyone we have met has seemed really, really nice. I'm sure they won't sprint away from us, maybe just a slow jog... I still haven't really figured out whole to handle the whole "dead child and special needs child" conversations yet. Breaking Max in at the new house and neighborhood will be quite the task. It's hard to meet new people and stop to talk when Max has his mind set on one thing and we interrupt his plans. It's hard when people want to get together to have our kids play, when my kid, won't. Max doesn't want to play with other kids, and he certainly doesn't want to do it somewhere new. Not that I want another family to have to deal with autism, but it would be kind of nice if there was another family with an autistic toddler in the neighborhood.
I want to be excited about our new house and new neighborhood. In the end, I think it will be good for us, but right now, it just seems like a lot of stress and anxiety. Packing up Ellie's room, saying goodbye to our house and all it's memories, moving into a new place without Ellie, all the stress it will cause for Max, meeting new people and having to eventually explain our situation(s). I think it just needs to happen so I can quit worrying. Less than one month...
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Remembering June 29th, 2010
3 comments:
I'm glad you have someone who understands, I think she'll make your transition to the neighborhood a little easier. Its sad that yet another momma has joined the club, but it really is a blessing in disguise not to have to explain yourself to another person; you don't have to worry about making them uncomfortable if you speak about Ellie.
Try not to stress too much (I know, easier said than done!). I have faith that you will get through this!
We moved to our new house in August, and since we've moved here, we are like walking freak shows! I was hugely pregnant when we got here, we had Adam, Jim was in the hospital via ambulance 2 or 3 times for his kidney, then ambulance at 1 in the morning for Adam, then he died, and now workers in our house all the time. I hate it. Our next door neighbor is the type that knows everything about everyone, so I'm sure she's told everyone we lost Adam. She had a party last weekend that I stopped in briefly, and I kept thinking about that. No one said anything, thank God. I'm with you...I don't wanna deny Adam, but sometimes, I don't feel like getting into my sad story.
I hope the move goes smoothly. It must be hard to leave the memories behind. :( Many hugs.
Oh geez... Savanna used to make that same face that Ellie is in the second picture!!! Just makes me smile!!! Love the first one of Max at the fridge (i think) and Ellie just staring adoringly at him.. <3 <3
In terms of the new neighbor talk... I remember that feeling all to well when I started my new job. Between the 180 + patients we have and the 20 + staff.. asking about kids was something apart of every conversation. I never volunteered the information but I never denied either when they asked.. I simply said "yes I have a daughter" sometimes they would ask how old sometimes they would just talk about something else. If they asked how old i would just say "she was 7.5 months when she passed away in November." Sometimes it got awkward, other times they were comforting, and twice I was able to connect with a patient and also a co-worker. Just ultimately do what feels the best.. and although I know it's easier said then done try not to dwell on that part of it too much. It will come.. and Ellie will be whispering in your ear through it all. Sending you so much love my sweet friend.. <3 <3
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