I don't wanna go...

Max at almost six months old

Tomorrow we have to take our little Monkey to the hospital for an upper endoscopy and small bowel biopsy to try and figure out why he still has reflux at almost three (almost three?! holy hell- how did that happen?!). They also need to make sure he doesn't have any damage to his esophagus from all this time of exposure to stomach acid.
For Max, this means a new place, lots of new people and lots of new experiences. It means an IV, not eating breakfast, waking up extremely early, pulse ox. probe on his finger... And seemingly unoffensive things like an ID bracelet, surgical hair net, new pj shirt and even the popsicle reward will likely be stressful to Max.
For Dave and I, it means a visit to a hospital (which thankfully, is a hospital we haven't EVER been to because it's brand spankin' new), handing another baby over to complete strangers, putting our complete faith in them and seeing him with tubes. It means trusting that everything is going to be fine, when last time, it wasn't. Not at all. I know, I KNOW, that this is not at all the same situation that we were in with Ellie the day we arrived at the Children's hospital, but your mind can't help but go there. My mind is going to go there. It already is. I'm already starting to freak out.

Little Monkey right before his surgery at six months old

Post-op Recovery

I cannot bear the thought of something happening to Max too. Max had surgery when he was about 6 months old and I remember going to the waiting room after they carried him off and crying. I just keep trying to remind myself that it's a minor procedure and they do it several times a day. But I'm worried for us, and I'm worried for Max. I don't want him to be upset, stressed, scared or in any type of pain. I don't want to watch him go limp after they sedate him (but I don't want to hand him over before he goes to sleep either!), I don't want to go wait in that waiting room. Seriously, my heart is about to pound out of my chest just thinking about the waiting room. I don't want people to look at us like we are over-reacting to a minor procedure, because they don't know. I don't want to explain it to anyone.

I don't wanna go...

So say a little prayer for Max and us tomorrow, or send us good vibes, happy thoughts or whatever. And Peanut, watch over your brother tomorrow and help Mama and Dada be strong and calm for Maxer.

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Remembering August 6th, 2010

Forgot to do this yesterday...

Love this picture of my girl

Cousins