Thank you for the pink sunrise this morning. The sky was so vibrant that it reflected off the white snow, turning it pink. I looked out the window this morning and the world was pink. It was you! And thank you for the pink streaks in the sky tonight. We saw them on our way to dinner. I know it's you, Peanut. It makes me happy to see the pink in the sky, it makes you seem closer. It gives me just a little bit of peace to get me through the day, and the night.
I can't believe time continues to pass without you here. I can't believe the days keep passing and I keep living. I never thought I would be able to survive something like this. It doesn't seem possible that a mother could keep breathing without such a crucial piece of her heart.
You've been in my dreams on and off the last week. I can't completely recall specific details of the dreams. I just wake up knowing that I have been granted little glimpses of you and experienced things I won't ever get to here. I do remember one dream I recently had. You were sitting in the high chair and eating steamed broccoli and mac 'n cheese. You were telling me "Mo-mo" mac 'n cheese. Maybe Mommy has finally gone certifiably insane but I truly believe that dreams like this one are gifts from above. It's a glimpse of what life would be like if you were here. But they make waking up so bittersweet. I'm so grateful for the moments I got with you in Dreamland but so sad to arrive back in the reality of daylight. But right now, I'll take a million mornings of waking up sad if it means that I get one second with you.
So keep coming to see me in my dreams Baby Girl. It's these dreams and beautiful sunrises and sunsets that keep me going. Right now, I'm living on steamed broccoli, mac 'n cheese and pink snow.
I love you SO much Ellie!