Sunday, April 10, 2011

BLMS I need your help!

I have a huge favor to ask of all my fellow BLMs...

The hospital where Ellie died, is putting up a little resistance to accepting memory boxes. Their reason: they find them unnecessary. They believe the grief information they give is enough. They do have some hand print making materials. But that is it. I am truly baffled by their response to our offer. I'm pretty sure it's all a bunch of bureaucratic bull, but either way, they are standing in our way of helping families. Just dumb. So here's what I would like to do...

I would like to submit to the hospital, several testimonies from families who have been where we have. Families who have had to say good-bye to their babies (meaning children- of all ages). I would like to hear what your hospital did for you, what they sent you home with or what they did with you, to help make memories. Did you do hand prints, footprints, get locks of hair, have nice things to bathe your child with, have opportunities for pictures, etc. Let us know what these things meant (and still mean) to you. On the other hand, if you had a bad experience with this (like we did), what that meant to you. How did that make you feel?
I know a lot of hospitals are better prepared to deal with stillborns, and the hospital we donating too (or trying too...) do not have any stillborns (it's strictly a children's hospital). So, we really need testimonies from families who experienced a sudden loss of a child, outside the womb. We would still love to hear from you Mommies of stillborns, because I think the memory boxes are especially important in this instance.
I know this might be hard for a lot of people to think about, write about, and then share with strangers. I completely understand that. But I really think this is something important to do for families so if you are able, please share your story and thoughts.

If you are willing- please send them to Ellie's Light at
If you want to include a picture of your Angel, please do. I want these hospital admins. to know, that they are dealing with REAL children and REAL families. Not statistics or "patients." These are our babies.

Thank you!

Remembering April 10th, 2010

Mommy and Ellie having quiet time out on the porch while Daddy makes some dinner. Max never seemed to be bothered by all the noise and action going on around him until he got a little older. But it definitely bothered Ellie. If she was trying to sleep and things were loud, she would furl up her little brow and give us a dirty look! So funny!

 L.O.V.E. this picture of Peanut!

Daddy and Ellie cuddling on the couch.

One of my favorite time of the day used to be bathtime with the kids. The both loved their baths and it was an instant cure for a crabby, tired baby! Dave and I went to a zone defense, one doing the undressing and re-dressing, while the other did the baths. This night was Dave's night for baths. I love how Ellie is watching him. She definitely loved her Daddy.

Maxer reading a little Dr. Suess before bathtime!

 Our bare babies!


Kelly said...

I love this, and I'm so sorry your hospital is giving you a fight. Disgraceful. I'm gonna send you my info. :)

TanaLee Davis said...

I will defiantly write up a letter. Email me at what is yours? maybe address..whatever works I will do. hugs-

ccc said...

Why would any hospital refuse donated items that benefit their clientele?? Makes no sense. I will submit a letter although mine was a stillbirth. I'll have to do it tomorrow evening though after I think about what to write.

New Year Mum said...

How frustrating that they are not willing to accept a donation of a magical gift to help other BLfamilies... you're right, it's probably all administration nonsense !!! You are doing such an amazing job and I will support you every step of the way... happy to write a letter about our experience in hospital - will get back to you ASAP :) Determination and compassion will get you there and I'm sure all the families that receive your boxes in future will be very appreciative. Love always xoxo

LauraJane said...

Done & Done. :)

Denise said...

That would be incredibly frustrating. Our hospital wouldn't even remove the needle from his leg they used to administer medication to try and resuscitate him. They did, however, give us a room in the ER where we could hold him, gather with family to hold him for the hours until the coroner got there. They had a priest there to console us, and a social worker. They apologized but told us that because it was a sudden death, there wasn't much more they were legally allowed to do. No bathing, no changing, nothing until the autopsy. Now, the funeral home was amazing. They did a mold of his foot, lock of his hair, pictures (if we wanted them) and told us we could go sit with him anytime that we wanted before the services, and gave us a lot of private time before and after services. I wonder if they are bound by legalities that prevent them from doing more?

Deanna said...

I will send you something. Our ER (sudden death) staff were kind, but they didn't have proper place for the family, and we didn't get anything except when our Dr. came down and took footprints and hand prints and cut his hair for us. That was it. I will try to complete this tonight!

I love these pictures, they are such sweet little faces! Thinking of you, Tiffany as you and Ellie overcome the negativity that is being thrown at you. You will overcome their being a pain in the butt! :)

Erin said...

I am sending you a narrative of our experience. This is not the first time I have heard of a hospital putting up a fight, resistant to change on this important issue.
Have you thought about compiling all of the accounts in a publicly accessible domain so that other hospitals can be referred to the accounts of many bereaved families? Just a thought.
Thanks for doing this.

Tabatha said...

Just appalled at this! So sorry that they are being so... dumb! (for lack of better words!)

As always, I just adore the pictures! Daddy daughter pictures are my absolute favorite! Love to you sweet friend!

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