Sunday, January 30, 2011


"Highlights" of the past week
  • Dave paying what we are assuming and hoping to be the final hospital bill for Ellie's stay. Although, I guess the payment of the bill wasn't as awesome as receiving it on her birthday...
  • Edinborough Park excursion: Thinking I would make an effort to be a good mom and do something Max loves, I decided to take him to the indoor park. I thought Thursday would be a good day to go, because the loud, out of control and highly irritating big kids should be in school. Wrong. Seriously, do kids ever go to school anymore? I love having extra days with Max BUT if the point of school is to learn- don't you need to actually be there? I guess it wouldn't have been so bad if Max hadn't been man-handling every kid in his way. It didn't matter if they were bigger, smaller, defenseless or someone's mother- he would just grab right on to the back of their shirt and yank 'em out of his way. So, I was THAT MOM who's kid was picking on everyone else and stealing their scooters. But at least I was paying attention to him instead of sitting on my cellphone or chatting with other equally inattentive mothers about the best place to get their toes done before their Caribbean vacation.
  • Taking Max to get his medical diagnosis of autism. As if having to put a label on your child so your stinking insurance company will pay for his therapy wasn't awesome enough, I had to fight with the receptionist when we got there about having an appointment. She was adamant that we didn't have an appointment scheduled but we could come back later in the day- during nap time of course. I told her I wasn't leaving because I know I made an appointment for this date and time so they better fit us in. I guess whoever scheduled us put the wrong name down- our ped. came in wondering why some psycho mother would bring a  6 month old for an autism diagnosis... no 6 month old but definitely a crazy mother. 
  • Ellie's three month Angelversary. Some deep, dark and twisted part of my mind seems to know the calender better than the rest of my brain does. Because I think that the three month mark of Ellie's passing isn't anymore painful than any other day, but every time an anniversary arrives, that part of my mind fires up and I'm a wreck. This week was especially bad. It seems that with every day that passes the longing for Ellie grows stronger. And one hand, I can't believe it's already been three months but on the other hand, I can't believe it's ONLY been three months. Three months is a long time to be without your baby.
  • My never ending headaches from hell: I've asked Dave to just run my head over with his car. He won't do it. I think it's because he doesn't want to hurt his car. Dave- if you loved me- you'd do it. I have had a headache- a big, bad, want to yank your eyeballs out of your head, throw-up and scream kind of headache- for days. It really needs to go away.
  • The MN Zoo: Another failed attempt to take Max out of the house and do something that should be fun. We made it through approx. five animals before we hit nuclear meltdown mode. He did actually look at a few animals, which is a big deal for Max. But getting kicked in the stomach and head-butted at least ten times in the less than hour we were there, definitely constitutes a failure.
  • Updating baby books: This activity usually makes me a little sad anyways because I am the mom that gets a little teary eyed every time her kids need the next size diaper or sock. But flipping through Ellie's baby book and knowing that those empty pages were going to remain empty was way harder than expected. It made my heart race and hands shake. The brevity of her time here has never been so painfully obvious.
  • Costco: Now, I was really pumped up to go to Costco. It's new and I heard has a really exciting Vita-Blender demonstration. Like Sam's Club, I felt that Costco on a Sat. evening would be an ok bet- most people there are on a serious mission to stock up on way more tortilla chips than their Superbowl guests will ever consume (seriously, why do people buy that many tortilla chips?!) and chicken thighs. They do not have the time to listen to their child plead for a 18 lb box of fruit snacks nor the space for them in their cart so they leave them at home. Everyone keeps saying how incredible Costco is and I felt confident I could enjoy it's wonderfulness. Wrong. Again. Right off the bat: double-seater carts. Like I need an empty child seat in my face to remind me of who is not with us on this visit to buying-in-bulk paradise. Then we made our way to the membership desk, we are almost home free when the picture taker guy starts in about his nine-month old who is doing "that really cute waddle walk." And thanks.
  • Medica: I knew they were going to be an issue. They always are. For everyone. After getting transferred four times, being told I shouldn't mention the word "autism" to the customer service reps because it flusters them (flusters them?!), I was finally told that my request for ABA therapy coverage would take 10 days to review. Remarkably, she returned my call the next day. To reject our request. But she would send me the paperwork on the appeal process. And thanks for that. Sounds like I have several really exciting hours of paperwork ahead of me.
  • And to top 'er off... I went downstairs to change the laundry and the dinner that had been washed down the upstairs sink and garbage disposal had backed up in the laundry room sink. Mmmm. Let's just say the meatloaf and hash browns didn't look nearly as good as they did at dinnertime.
Here's hoping for a better week...


January 30th, 2010: The Parade of Grandmas (and Great ones too!)
Max and Ellie are very lucky to have not only two Grandmas living within close proximity but two Great-Grandmas. And all four love(d) spending time with the kids, just as much as the kids love(d) being with them.
In the months before my Ellie was born, my Grandma (Grams) was in the hospital and very sick following some complications for her knee surgery. There were a few times, when we weren't sure Ellie would ever met Grams. Thankfully, Grams got much better and by the time Ellie was born, she was in a rehab facility making her big comeback. Due to her germaphobe mother, Ellie wasn't able to go see Grams at the rehab place until she was just over two weeks old. Even though Grams wasn't really with it yet, you can see how happy she was to met Ellie.
Random humorous story of sick and feverish Grams (sorry Grams): I was hugely pregnant the last time I went to visit Grams at the hospital before I delivered Ellie. She had been having some problems with dry mouth and I had just bought some mouthwash to ease my dry mouth so I brought some to leave with her. She refused to take it, saying I would need it if I ever got pregnant. Hello Grams! You see this massive thing hanging off the front of me? It's not a tumor- it's a baby.
Anyways, I remember how tiny Ellie was the day we went to see Grams. We went out to eat at the Original Pancake House and Ellie just slept in her carseat the whole time. She didn't even notice the idiot waitress that insisted on swinging the piping hot carafe over her every time she passed. By the time we got to the rehab though, she was hysterically screaming and hungry. It was my first attempt at nursing in public. I remember feeling weird about unbuttoning my shirt in the chapel area- but it was really the only place I could feed her. After Ellie puked all over me, she was ready to meet her Grams. Here are a few pictures from that day...
 Four Generations: Ellie, her Mommy, my Mommy (Ma) and her Mommy (Grams)

Later that day... Ellie's other admiring Grandma's came to visit (along with Papa- Dave's dad). While Papa tried his best to get Max to throw up on him...
another one of Ellie's Great-Grandmas, Marian, cuddled her. Marian is Dave's Grandma and was a kind, sweet lady who loved her grandkids and great-grandkids very much. Sadly, Marian suddenly passed away on July 7th. Marian passed peacefully in her sleep.
I didn't understand why she has taken so suddenly without warning, that is, until Elle died. Marian had to go first, so she was there when Ellie got there. Besides Bee, Marian was the only person that Ellie had known from here, when she got there.
I know that Marian is watching over my Peanut until I get there.

 After everyone left, Dave, the kids and I just hung out for the rest of the night. And we were able to get a series of pictures of Ellie making those cute, funny newborn faces.

Ellie was all tuckered out after being loved on by her Grandmas all day...

** Excitement! Found more pictures from 1/29/10: added them to the post from yesterday!


M. Beth Williams said...

:( I never even thought about the double seater cart at Costco. Breaks my heart to read of the "little" (aka huge) things you encounter to make the wounds even more fresh. The pictures (as always) are lovely. Beautiful Ellie. Just a stranger from Texas wishing you peace,

Anonymous said...

What a week. Good for you for getting it out on your random strangers like me can share just the tiniest bit of your burden. You must be a magnificent mom...something of an angel yourself.

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