Hmmm



K. Holly Photography


This picture, taken about a month before Ellie died, seems to be eerily indicative of what was to come. And it wasn't the only thing.
A week and a half before Ellie died, we were told that Max likely had autism. Max was having a particularly bad day with a lot of tantrums and I needed a break. I asked my mom to come stay with the kids so Dave and I could just go have dinner. Last minute, I decided to being Elle with us. I'm not sure why I wanted her to come but I just wanted her with me. She loved having the complete attention of both Mama and Dada. All smiles, giggles and making eyes at the waiter. She showed off all her tricks- "Ellie is soooo big" with arms in the air, asking for more, clapping her hands. That was one of the only times it was just the three of us.
The week before Ellie died, she was having a hard time sleeping in her crib. She would wake up crying and just wanted to be held while she slept. Usually I would try to get her back to sleep in her crib so she didn't develop any bad habits and so I could get some chores done. Don't get me wrong, I would love nothing more than to hold my babies every time they sleep, but its not always realistic. But for some reason, that last week, I just held her. I just brought her downstairs and cuddled up with her on the couch until she woke up. Just me and my peanut all snuggled up together...